Let's pretend you have a brand new Jaguar in your driveway. It's gorgeous, sleek and gleaming; purring like a cat, and it's all yours. What's the first thing you do? Why, show it off to the neighbors, of course!

Well, OK, but after that? You read the manual to find out how to keep it running and looking like new.

Unfortunately, when we arrive on the planet there is no Owner's Manual in our pocket. We rely on those who came before us to keep us healthy and to teach us how to do the same.  If they don't, we're in deep trouble.

However, we have an autonomous system that helps us survive.  When we are hungry and thirsty, we holler for food and drink. If it's not immediately forthcoming, we holler all the louder.  We make sure we are fed and watered.  And when the pressure builds, we poop.  And if that poop is held against our tender skin until it burns, we scream until somebody takes it away and washes and oils and powders our sweet liittle tushie.  And even if we don't know we're doing it, we smile and yawn and babble so that those giant beings who bring the food are captivated and do everything in their power to keep us well and happy.  And that's a good thing! Of all the animals on the planet, we humans spend the longest time in a truly helpless condition.

Eventually most of us arrive at a point where we can take care of ourselves. We learn which foods and fluids are good for us. And we learn to keep our skin, hair and teeth clean. We learn we should change our clothes before they get stiff enough to stand alone.  In school, we learn that this is called "hygeine".  It's defined in my dictionary as "the science of health and the prevention of disease." It was named for Hygeia, the Greek goddess of health.

So...how do we prevent disease? The first line of defense is to feed the machine with the optimal fuel to keep it purring like a cat.  The Jag takes gas and oil; the human needs protein, carbohydrates, and fat. The Jag's fuel comes out of the ground and so does ours. Protein comes from animals. Any animal will do but some taste better than others.  We count fish and birds as animals, too, and some people count worms, grubs and other insects as animals. Likewise, the fruit of animals is also protein: eggs and cheesee. Eggs are just about the perfect food; they have protein and minerals and vitamins and they even come in their own neat container. And they have enough fat in them to digest the protein.  That's right, we need fat.

The rest of our food comes under the heading of carbohydrates. The leafy green foods probably do the most for our health and roots and fruits are right behind them.  One form of fruit comes under the heading of protein. That would be nuts, and nuts contain the best form of fat for good health.  Our last type of carbohydrates we call grains.  Grains are great as long as you don't sugar-coat them.  Grasses bring up minerals from deep in the earth and store them in their plants.

Dried legumes (beans and peas) are an excelllent source of protein, especially mixed with grains. Soy beans are a complete protein all by themselves but they contain a form of female hormones so men especially might want to eat them sparingly. Fermenting them, as in tempeh and tofu, gets rid of the hormones, I've read.

I have also read that Stone Age Man ate about 65% vegetables and fruits, and 35% protein with its own fats. They ate a lot more food than we do; they had to. Caves stay about 55 degrees year round. It takes a lot of energy to stay warm and it takes a lot of energy to run down your meat and kill it.  That proportion (65% carbs to 35% protein/fat) is still the way to eat but we don't need as much as they did.

One way to measure your food is to cover about 3/4 of your plate with vegetables and tuck your protein into the remaining quarter. Another way to measure food is by comparing it to something familiar; thus, your piece of meat should be about the size of a deck of playing cards. Make a tight cup of one hand. Fill it up with veggies. That's how much to eat.  Fruit? A small apple, orange or pear will do you. If it comes from Harry and David, share it with at least one person. Banana? Three or four inches long. Any longer than that, share it. Dried fruit? Think how large it was before it was dried. Two prunes (they used to be plums!) or four apricot halves. Fourteen grapes make a good serving, therefore the same for raisins.

Contrary to what you might have been told, you don't need to drink eight 8-oz glasses of water every day. Drink when you're thirsty, like the other animals do. But be sure you do; you are mostly water and you want to keep it that way.

Just as you wash your Jag at least once a week, so you should wash your bod at least that often. But don't overdo it. Your skin has an acid mantle which helps protect it from infection. Too much bathing breaks it down. However, if you just plain s-w-e-a-t,  feel free to wash it off. You want an acid mantle, not a coat of salt. Your hair looks best with a light coat of your own natural oil to make it shine. Brushing brings out the oil in your scalp.Again, too much washing can leave it dry and brittle.

When you brush your teeth, it's a good idea to brush your gums, too, as well as the roof of your mouth and your tongue. It brings blood to the area, nourishing your teeth. What's not a good idea, though, is the barbarous slicing of the gums that dentists do. According to one dental expert I've read, it creates pits between gums and teeth in which food can collect, rot and attract germs and infections.  By the way, don't neglect your dental checkups; the latest evidence shows there is a strong relationship between dental disease and heart disease. Who knew?

Remember to close the toilet lid before you flush. Flushing throws a mist into the air which coats everything in its vicinity, including your toothbrush! And be sure to wash your hands after you flush so you get alll the germs.

One last thing: A long time ago, I think it was back in the 1950s, there was a germicidal soap.  Everyone was encouraged to use it, even to bathe the baby. Then they found out it was very dangerous for babies; they were getting really sick and some even died. So the government warned us not to use that soap any more. Guess what? It's back! And I haven't heard a single "expert" warn anybody about what happened back then.  We (not me!) use anti-bacterial hand wipes, counter wipers, dish detergent, etc., in addition to the soap. I wonder how much the children are absorbing and storing in their fat. I think I should start a pool for the date that the government warns us to stop using them. Just a word to the wise.